Those Phrases from A Dad Which Helped Us as a New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

However the truth soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to open up among men, who continue to absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a short trip away, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."