🔗 Share this article

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {