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Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.